June 17 2017

Family

Posted in: Family

Brother and Wife

IMG_3144

My brother Otis, and his wife Amy.  It was great to meet up.

May 27 2017

Life with Cancer

Posted in: Cancer

What’s Lost

This disease I have, it robs me of things I’ve taken for granted.  Like sex.  It took it away slowly, I suppose that I should have noticed and reacted sooner.  I didn’t and it is too late now.  The really bad thing about this is it takes away your ability, but not your wanting.  The medicine given to me is a major impact, because it is designed to limit the testosterone that my body produces.  To be completely honest in writing this, I call it my eunuch meds.  I suppose  I dwell too much upon it.  I’m trying my best to let it go.  
I’m learning to let go of a great deal.  You let go of your life with cancer in small pieces.  Things you let go of, like normalcy.  Once you are diagnosed, this is one of first to go.  You really don’t let go of that, it seems to go on its own.  You try to hang on to it with all your might, but it’s dragged from your grasp a little bit at a time.. Other things one has to let go of, is your peace of mind.   Even though in letting go, you do find a bit of peace.  You let go of the ability to really choose the path your on.  
Your choice of choosing where and when and what you do is impacted, no longer do you have that luxury.  Your forever tied to the medical field providing your treatment.  It’s the numbers, the numbers on the blood test.  Just like the Chemo, you now watch the calendar by the numbers.  It’s the numbers which drive your time tables.  They lead you on the path of their choosing, not really yours anymore.
Some would say, I should seek psychological medical help to deal with this.  One more layer to add to it.  Maybe that would be right. I need to let it go.  One more thing to let go of.  Sometimes, I do feel I’m close to letting it all go.  I just haven’t reached the point of surrender.
The saying always has been if you love something, Let it go.  

May 13 2017

Mothers Day Secrets

Posted in: Family

Secrets

Me&Mother51-2Barbara Gilcrease

Life is a strange adventure, and things never seem to be static.  Just when you think nothing changes everything does.   People do things, you wouldn’t ever think they would do.  No matter, how well you think you know someone, you never ever really do.   Secrets, things one keeps to themselves.  Everyone has the secrets…I suppose.  
    I’m still blown away from the recent secret that came out in my mothers life, one that she carried to her grave.  How much of our lives is hidden away in closets, out of sight but not really out of mind.  How many hidden secrets do good, hidden away from the light, or do they do harm, and should be kept in the dark.  I guess it all depends upon the secret  
    Secrets, what would it take for someone to share their secrets that they locked away from view.  Would you share yours?  What does it take to bare ones soul to a loved one.  Would you share to the world and share those things kept hidden?  Is it harder on the one who is keeping secrets or those who will never know unless the secrets become known.  I guess it all depends upon the secret.  
    On this mothers day, I’m thinking of my mother and the secrets she kept.  Upon learning of a secret she kept hidden from me all these years, it just make me wonder about the unknown.