3:52AM I’ve been up for an hour watching the news on CNN, and thinking. Thinking about my own mortality, and what it means to deal with a stage four cancer. I’ve a sort of brain fog, I think it’s the chemo, that causes this. My daughter first mentioned it to me in a conversation message on face book. I had never thought about what the chemo may do to me in that way. Mentally, It’s devastation to begin with, once your told you have Cancer. One that has no cure but has only treatments to extend your life. Your in a Doctors office, and they give you this news, and your just blown apart. Your life is immediately changed and challenged. You no longer have the luxury of time. The shock wave of reality fractures any sense of well being that you may have had. Your thoughts from this time on, are inconsistent, rambling, and lack direction or purpose. That’s the best I can describe it at times. Is it the chemo, or is it just the reaction to it all.
This will be my second chemo treatment today. Friday I start radiation treatment. Will keep everyone posted.