Sometimes I feel like an old squirrel, who has ran to the end of the branch and doesn’t know which way to jump. I’ll pause, and take a deep breath, before I make that next leap because I’m not sure if there is anything there to catch me when I do.

What does one do, upon hearing a wish, one that you hope would never become true. If you can make a persons wish become a reality should one? Isn’t the wish, exactly what the heart desires.

What’s the point? I’m not sure anymore…maybe there isn’t a rhyme or reason to it. The reality of it, is hidden and the truth isn’t spoken. It’s the elephant in the room no one talks about.

When there is talk, it’s sharp, uneasy, and forced. Long periods of silence before a sudden explosion of anger forces one to utter something, even if it’s just a curse at the darkness and the loss of light.

PSA

Rising Numbers

Impression

1. Numerous scattered sclerotic osseous lesions consistent with metastatic disease. Compared to prior PET/CT of August 14, there are a few lesions with new or progressive hypermetabolic activity, in the bony pelvis bilaterally and in the T12 vertebral body, consistent with worsening metastases.

2. Multiple prominent lymph nodes with new or increasing hypermetabolic activity, mediastinal, bilateral axillary, periportal, and right external iliac chain, nonspecific but raising concern for nodal tumor involvement.

This was my latest scan results. Depressing to say the least. After two years of cutting edge treatment for cancer.